8/2/2010

My most amazing family...

This past week has been really crazy...we had zone conferences every day this week except Monday and Sunday and it can be exhausting traveling to each one, but it was also rewarding. My companion and I were on the road a lot and it provided lots of opportunities to talk and learn from one another. Each zone conference is set up in a similar format and could have easily been repetitive had the zone leaders not been so effective in adapting the trainings to the missionaries in their respective zones. We have some awesome missionaries in this mission. I am so impressed with several of them and their commitment to serve the Lord with all their heart, might, mind, and strength. I am so grateful for the good examples they are to me. And each training in each different zone conference seem to teach me more and more about the gospel and prompt me more and more to change so I can be a sharper instrument in the hands of the Lord.

One special experience I would like to share with you has taught me a lot. I was having a particularly hard day this week, one that was causing quite a toll on my heart and I was getting discouraged. I felt very inadequate and very overwhelmed. I felt like I wasn't doing very much to further the work here and I felt disappointed. Even worse, I felt like for some reason that the Spirit had withdrawn from me. I felt alone and without divine help. As the day wore on I got more and more frustrated, which only worsened the conditions. Finally at the end of the day I knelt in personal prayer before bed and my frustration and feelings of injustice couldn't be contained. I complained to Heavenly Father in my impatience and wanted explanation for such a hard day. I felt I hadn't done anything wrong and had unjustly dealt with. "How could you!", I almost shouted in my mind, "Why does it have to be so hard when I didn't do anything wrong...I have only been doing what you asked me to. And besides, I'm a missionary...this work is too important for me to be without the Spirit. Why was it removed?" With feelings that the heavens were closed and my conversation was only one way, I collapsed in bed feeling unheard and unloved. Well, the next day I rose and decided to move forward. I was determined to be positive and have a good day; in short I just moved forward. Later that day I discovered why such an experience had occurred. As I was observing several missionaries practicing their teaching in a zone conference, I stopped with one companionship and stayed to listen for awhile. Halfway through a lesson, one of the elders was struggling trying to verbalize what he wanted to say but was not feeling successful. He stopped and just hung his head in silence. Then stood up and excused himself and his companion followed him out of the chapel and into the foyer. I felt prompted to follow and see if I could help. I sat down on the couch next to him and asked him how he was doing. He then related to me some of his feelings that not coincidentally were identical to the ones I had been having the previous day. He felt discouraged, overwhelmed, inadequate and incapable. As I listen I knew instantly why the Lord had allowed me to feel those feelings the day before, He needed me to have similar experiences that could allow me to better lift this elder to higher ground. I stood him on his feet grabbed him by the shoulders and looked into his eyes and told him I knew that the Lord called him here for a reason, that he was needed and that he mattered to me and to the Lord. I told him that it was hard but that if anyone could do it, the Lord could use anyone. But it's not easy and the Lord called him personally through His annointed prophet to minister to His children. I told him to go forward and have faith in the Lord and His ability to make "weak things become strong". I knew after our conversation that he felt much better. I could tell in his eyes that in part he felt understood. I know this was not a coincidence. And I thank the Lord for it. It felt so amazing to be an instrument in helping one of my fellow missionaried feel better.

The church is true...and so is the gospel. I love you my good friends and I pray you may find special experiences where you have opportunities to lift others. It feels so good to do. God bless.

--
Elder Cabrera