12/19/09

Dear Family,

I've been out for 6 months now! Hard to believe! Thats 25% of my mission. Thats scary. Time goes by so fast, im hardly able to keep up. I have been learning a lot recently, things that I think will help me far beyond just the two years im serving. Lots of life lesson and personal skills that have made me change my views. But i think one or two lessons in particular stand out. I have come to the conclusion (the hard way mind you) that my mission has very little to do with me and my capacities (or inadequacies). It matters very little what I have to offer. I think its human nature, at least for me, to think I can do this on my own: teach, tract, baptize, etc. I was under the foolish misconception that I was deserving of some credit-that the lessons I am teaching are mine and those that I am teaching are the result of my work. Thats a selfish attitude. A scripture comes to mind when I think of this realization that I had: "whosever shall lose his life for my name's sake and the gospel's, shall find it". I remember the story of President Hinckley when trying to overcome discouragement in his first few months on his mission and the advice his father gave him: "Forget yourself and get to work". I cant believe its taken me 6 months to figure this out. Its not about me, or my "self". Self has already had 22 years of attention, I think it's time he learned to focus on others and quite being "self"ish. I think when I finally understand that I am merely an instrument in the Lord's hands, put away my pride, and develop true charity for others, the Lord can begin to truly work through me. Without that change, why would He entrust me with the teaching of His children if I have some other motives in mind? I ask myself that question a lot: "Am I doing this the way the Lord would want me to do it? Am I teaching His way?" That was the way Christ lived His life. All glory, even from the beginning when the Plan was first being drafted, He gave back to the Father. His "meat was to do the will of the Father and to finish His work". That was manifested most apparently in the atonement. Jesus prayed and pleaded but ultimately did, not according to His will, but to that of the Father's. Introspectively I have been wondering if I have the same willful submission to the will of my Father in Heaven. It seems so ironic to surrender your life to someone else to find happiness and fulfillment, but is there any other way? How else do we come to partake of the sweetest of all fruits of the tree of life unless we yield to the commandments given us to live the gospel and study from the Book of Mormon which provides the rod of guidance through the mists of darkness we all face? How else do we feel the relief our Savior provides in His invitation for all to come unto Him that our burdens of sin may be light through His atonement? When some of His disciples left Him and would tarry no longer with Him because of the things He taught, Jesus asked the twelve: "will ye also go away?" To which Peter replied: "To whom shall we go? Thou hast the words of eternal life." Where would we go? Is there any other way to find true happiness other than living our life's in harmony with our Heavenly Father's will? There is not. I promise you all I know that to be true. The second lesson I've learned is related to the first. It's simply to listen when people speak. Listening is challenging, its difficult especially when those talking are not easy to listen to. Sometimes they need to be heard the most. Listening requires practice and focus. It requires conscious notes of more than just words. It requires loving those who are speaking. I am trying to do better at listening to others and hear what they say not merely the words they speak. You notice things about people when they know you are listening; they begin to trust you. They begin to open up and say the feelings they have always wanted to share. Listening is amazing. I love to listen, but more difficult than listening to people is listening to the Spirit. How he communicates with me is still a question I am striving to answer. It becomes a quest to be led by him in conversation and in action. I am still trying to distinguish his promptings from other feelings. That requires real effort.

Well hope everyone is having a Merry Christmas! I am loving the Holidays here in Fort Collins-we have a place to go on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day so dont worry about me. Dont forget the "true meaning of Christmas"!

Elder Cabrera